by mikey v

supported by
  • Streaming + Download

    Includes high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more. Paying supporters also get unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app.

      name your price




i was in a bad mental place and started writing these songs. every new song chipped away at how I felt more and more and it helped me let go more and more. These are my stories and they're a part of me, they're my struggles and my secrets. hope you enjoy them

i recorded all of these songs on my week of leave coming home from Japan in my room aka my "studio"


released May 24, 2017



all rights reserved


mikey v Watsonville, California

just a dude who poured it all out

contact / help

Contact mikey v

Streaming and
Download help

Track Name: recollection (spoken)
I remember the cold against my skin and the sharp sting that it left
The warmth pouring out and the numbness that came next
I remember the the tightness around my neck and the constraints of my breaths
And how in that moment I thought my pains would never end
I remember  the night when I couldn’t stop thinking of you
Taking pill by pill until it had me feeling ill
Hoping in the morning when you found me that you wouldn’t make a shrill
And I remember all too many nights like these
Where I kept myself up just to think
About all the different ways that I could put myself out of my misery
And all these long nights alone with those thoughts
and I remember all those nights I spent alone in my room
drinking until I passed out,
just trying to cope with the feelings I didn't want to let out
Trying to remind myself that I’m not alone
and trying to remind myself reasons to live
Wondering if I weren’t there tomorrow,
Would anything give?
Making every wrong decision when I was a kid
But I’m not who I was then
Track Name: friends
Stumbling home from another drunken night
I'm smelling like whiskey and got in a fight
Cigarette smoke still hangs on my breath
And I hope when you see me that I'm still a mess

My friends they're all fun
They don't like to judge
But by the way that I drink and the songs that I sing
They all start to think, what the fuck is going on with me

And That last time I saw you
What you were saying to me
It's etched in my eyelids
Now I can't sleep

We were coking and joking
When our eyes wouldn't meet
We were laughing and smiling
When you looked up at me,
You said
"Write a song about this"

So that's exactly what I did

My friends they're all fun
They don't like to judge
But by the way that I drink and the songs that I scream
They all start to wonder, what the hell is going on with this mother fucker
Track Name: torn
i swallow my pride
and i say it’s okay
i’m happy for you
things are better this way

but later each night
when i’m alone in my room
waves come crashing
and i still miss you

with tears on my lips
and pain in my heart
i try to breathe in
so i don’t fall apart

don’t know who i am
and i don’t know what i want
but baby please can you
just make it stop

and it’s happening again
it’s happening again
my hands start shaking
can’t you just cut them off

just another drink
and another drink
just whatever it takes
to make it all stop

now i’m on the floor
there’s blood on the walls
i left you a letter
but you tore it apart
Track Name: parts
i lost my shit
you’re in his pocket
i wish i could turn around
and break his left eye socket

i was a dick
i never knew better
but whats done is done and now you think
that he’s real clever

endless months
of sleeping alone
i wish i could turn back time and
stay back home

a part of me loves you
a part of me hates you
a part of me fears you
a part of me needs you

i let you go
to watch you grow
but now i’ll never know if this
was meant for more

empty bottles
all on the floor
i wrote this song for you
as you closed the door

a part of me loves you
a part of me hates you
a part of me fears you
a part of me needs you

all of me needs you

and i guess
what i’m trying to say is
that I’ll never know if
things will be the same
Track Name: hold
i woke up today
not a thought in my brain
years of drowning out the pain

i’ve been digging my grave
then i reached out for a line
but i could never hold on

waking up every day
they all feel the same
holding back my tears
i’ve been fighting for years

but i’m losing my grip
its getting harder to stay
my hands are callused and torn
I can’t take anymore
Track Name: realize
your friends think I’m crazy
and mine think i’m dumb
or could it really be
that i fell in love

your friends think I’m a joke
they’ll all sit back and laugh
at the sad piece of shit
that they think I am

I struggle everyday
in every single way
I’m a mess of a man
I know that I am

so don’t let me know what he told you to get over me
so don’t tell me how he holds you its killing me

as a 15 year old boy
who was foolish and mad
i made some dumb choices
you deserve more than that

when i turned 19
you wanted to marry
but i enlisted in
the fucking military

now i’m 22
and i lost you
to a better man
one that really can

actually pay attention
and treat you real nice
something i took
some time to realize

so don’t let me know what he told you to get over me
so don’t tell me how he holds you it’s killing me

or what is it all just you ?
did you really mean,
all those “i love you”’s
you always told me?
Track Name: grind
You start to fall apart
Your blood drips after dark
The voices in your head
Don't let you go to bed.

The Bags under your eyes
are all filled up with lies
You tell me you're okay
But who am I to say?

You grind your teeth
you don't get no sleep
You cannot cross the bridge
All you wanna do is leap
So lay your head down next to me

the scars along your wrists
are the ones i want to kiss
to tell you its okay
and I am here to stay

and my hands on your hips
is the only thing i wish
so maybe things would last
but now its in the past

i grind my teeth
i get no sleep
i cannot cross the bridge
all i want to do is leap
to end my misery
Track Name: toxic
I have knots in my stomach
And a lump in my throat
It's like a burning fever
But my skin is so cold

Standing in the shower
For what seems like hours
In order to feel some sort of warmth
or something at all

I am a shitty writer
And a horrible lover
A terrible brother
And the worst type of friend

You told me I'm toxic
And you're probably right
You told me I drink too much
So I asked "Who gives a fuck?"